It is amazing the amount of bad advice there is out there. Maybe it is not bad advice per se. Advice is situation dependent. That is the problem with marriage books–they are a one size fits all solution. What you really need is a marriage tome that has many paths through it like those books you read as a kid that had different stories depending on the choices you made while reading it. Marriage books should at least give the reader caveats in the introduction such as “the information contained herein only works if the husband and wife are still attracted to each other.” Maybe I should write one. The title would be “How A Husband Can Win Back The Heart Of His Wife After Being A Jerk For Years Or Move On.” I am doing the very best I can but at the end of the day I will not stay with someone who cannot truly love me. Candy and flowers won’t do it but in fact may hurt. Giving her attention won’t work but will definitely hurt. Compliments won’t work. It is so counter intuitive (to me at least) to do the opposite of what you want to do. My biggest mistake during separation has been to show any weakness at all. I wish I could have taken it all in stride although my wife said she thought I was handling it better than she expected I would. Small victory.