My three week separation is about half over.  I had not initiated contact but wife did.  Each time she was very angry.  I made the mistake of pushing back some the first time by pointing out errors about our history together.  This was a mistake.  She is not in a good place and just needed me to just accept it.  She is very fragile about how she feels about me and cannot take any conflict.  I just felt I could not let what I felt were lies to hang out there because I would be bitter moving forward.  I guess that will work its way out over time.

She went to counseling today and said she is sad and confused.  She says it is hard to admit and own that we have a bad and messed up marriage.  I think she has been in denial for years.  I have been feeling it myself for a very long time but she made me feel like I just being too sensitive.  I am 99% the cause of it I admit but I am learning to change how I am and how I treat her.  For a very long time she did things just to keep the peace at the expense of what she desired.  I totally understand how that can just be soul destroying.  I guess the force of my personality has been too much for too long.  Now all her friends are telling her that they saw it all along from me.  This crushes me.  I truly want to be someone that my wife is proud of in public and around her friends.  I truly want to be someone my wife feels comfortable around and relaxed.  It is so hard not to feel so bad about myself through all this.  Some people probably are not the type to get married and maybe I should not have.  Or maybe I should have married someone who would not take my crap.


One thought on “Update

  1. hal jordan says:

    I would use an ounce of caution. A woman’s friends just hype up whatever the friend is feeling. Rare is it that they give advice or opinions that counter what the friend. They all have hamster wheels.

    Don’t be so hard on yourself, it takes 2 so limit yourself to 50% of the problems, keep working on yourself and play it cool. Her anger at you may just be some weird rationalization to prove some delusion like if you get angry she will use it against you aka “see, i knew you would flip out, I knew this wouldn’t work”.

    You’ve offered reconciliation and improvement to who you are and your marriage, she’s got to pick up the offer and thats her crap to work through.

    Been in the same spot as you have, had it work once had it not work once.

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