A Letter to My Son

To My Son:

I write you this letter in an endeavor to have you learn from my mistakes and the consequences of my ignorance.  Interactions with women can be confusing and often counterintuitive.  What I list here is not exhaustive and my not hold true for all women but I believe these points offer a roadmap by which you can have the most fulfilling interactions with the opposite sex.  I write this as a Christian father to his Christian son.

 

Dating:

 

1)      Never date just one girl unless you plan on marrying her.  This will help give you confidence that “if this one doesn’t work out, oh well, there will be others.”

2)      Work out, maintain good shape.  This will give you a leg up over many, many other guys.

3)      Be somewhat mysterious, never talk about yourself too much or about your feelings too much.

4)      Never dump on her emotionally or cry.

5)      If a girl breaks up with you, do not cry.  Be strong.  Say “I am sorry to hear that but I understand.  I wish you the best of luck.”

6)      Never, ever tell a girl you love her first.

7)      Try to maintain your virginity.  You want a girl to be a virgin so why shouldn’t you be one too?

8)      Do not become clingy or needy in the relationship.  She is not the only one in the world for you, there are others just as good out there.

9)      If a girl is flaky, move on to another one.  This shows lack of respect for you.

10)  If a girl is into you she will give IOI (indicators of interest).  Learn these and learn body language.

11)  Women are attracted to men differently than men to women.  Beyond basic physical parameters women assess men based on other factors.

12)  If a girl’s friends like you (as in like you like you) you will be way more attractive to her.  Your Mom’s friends liked me too so that really helped my cause.

13)  Women like a little wildness in a guy.  Your Mom liked my camaro and thought I was a little wild.

14)  Never be too possessive or jealous.  If she is doing something that gives you a solid reason for being jealous move on or calmly set a standard by talking to her and telling her your standard.  Be prepared for her to walk away and be ok with it.

15)  Be a pillar of strength.

16)  Dress well at all times.

17)  If you don’t have a sense of humor, get one.

18)  Tease girls like they are your sister.  Most love it.  It has always worked very well for me.

19)  The prettier the girl the more you have to ignore it.  After you have been with her a while you won’t even notice it.  Be prepared to have guys notice her and take it as a compliment.

20)  Never feel like you don’t deserve someone.  You have your own strengths and weaknesses just as they do.

21)  Be confident.  If you don’t feel confident at least act like it.

22)  Always get physical sooner than later.  If you wait you will be friendzoned!

23)  Once you have been friendzoned, move on!  Almost nothing will bring her around.

24)  Stay away from porn.

25)  Women will often say they want something but really want something else, they just don’t realize it.

26)  I’ve heard this is true:  Treat a lady like a slut and a slut like a lady.  Take that for what it is worth.

 

Entering into Marriage:

1)      If you should consider marriage some day, do so with trepidation.  This is a very important decision with profound consequences from your marriage day forward.  I do not think divorce should ever be looked upon lightly but given the statistics for divorce in this country inside and outside the Church you should step into your marriage with your eyes wide open.  Marriage is not a union based on unconditional love.  There will be times when you will have to love when it is hard to love and you will be hard to love but there are conditions by which a marriage should end.  A person should not have to be in a relationship of continual abuse just be careful to not lower the bar too low for abuse.  The laws of this country regarding divorce are slanted against men.  Your wife would be given preference regarding custody of the children and thus child support.  If you make more money than your wife you may be required to pay alimony.  You may have done everything correct in your marriage and without fault but your supposed life long partner may, with the backing of the state, take away your children and a significant amount of your earnings in the process.  A judge may decide what you should pay for alimony and child support based on his idea of what you should be making not what you actually making!

2)      When choosing a potential mate talk at length about your goals and values.  The more in tune your values and goals the easier it will be to get along and live a life together.

3)      When choosing a mate, make sure you choose someone who is not lazy but industrious and hard working.  If you marry someone lazy you are signing up for a very difficult life.

4)      When choosing a mate, make sure she has passion for you and is not just choosing you for your good attributes and that you “fit the bill.”  Make sure you have passion for her as well.  Passion for each other will carry you through the hard times.  If one of you does not have passion for the other your marriage will be doomed.

5)      Choose a mate that you are better than.  This will serve you well.  She will always be happy that she has someone better than herself and will strive to keep up.  Your sexual relationship will be better too.  You will feel confident that you can always find someone better should this not work.  This will give you confidence and more power in the relationship.

6)      Do not marry a woman that has had a lot of sexual partners.  You should not have many partners yourself.  Preferably you should both be virgins (but with very good sex drives).  Studies show that the more partners a person has had when entering into a marriage the more likely that that person will be dissatisfied and my cheat.

7)      Shy girls can be the best of all worlds.

8)      Find a sweet girl.

9)      Look closely at the girl’s mother and father.  When your potential mate gets older she will look much like one or both of her parents.

10)  Preferably her mom and dad will still be married.  If they are, pay close attention to how they interact with each other and their daughter.  These interactions will be how she expects things to run in her own home.  If they are divorced she will be more likely to seek divorce if things aren’t going well.

 

Living in your Marriage:

 

1)      You should almost never cry.  Maybe once a year for a very good reason.  Your wife wants to know you are strong and reliable.  She is not a shoulder to cry on.  Find a therapist, a friend, or me to lean on.  If I die you have permission to cry a lot.

2)      When she talks to you, listen to her.  Stop what you are doing and look in her eyes.  Do not offer solutions.  Just listen and affirm.  Only offer a solution if she asks for it and even then frame it as “have you thought about…”.

3)      A lot of marriage books offer some very good information but are often predicated on the belief that we are rational creatures and in full control of ourselves.  Nothing could be further from the truth at times.  Why do people say that they cannot understand women?  Because often women don’t understand themselves.

4)      Continue some of the tips from dating.  Let her always say “I love you” first.  Let her initiate calls and texts most of the time.  Get off the phone first.  Don’t give her unlimited access to you.

5)      Have a mission in life, do not let her be your focus.  This will drive her away and make her lose respect for you.

6)      Demand respect for it is the cornerstone of your relationship.  If she does something or says something that is disrespectful, do not tolerate it all.  Be respect worthy.

7)      Be polite to one another always.

8)      Maintain good physical condition.  Keep working out.  Do not let yourself get fat.

9)      If things are not as good as you think they should be in your relationship, examine yourself first.  If you are not living up, raise yourself up regardless of how she is acting.

10)  Always thing of ways that you are grateful for her and keep those in mind always.  It is very easy to become very negative about someone but hard to go back.  She has faults and you have your own thoughts.

11)  Keep expected holidays very simple but surprise her at unexpected times.

12)  Do not have friends that are girls.  Do not do things by yourself with a member of the opposite sex that is not your sister, Mom, or wife.

13)  Always dress well when going out.  Do not be a slob in public.

14)  Always engage her friends and be friendly.  It is a great thing that her friends adore you and wish that you were their husband.

15)  If she rebuffs your sexual advances, take it in stride.  Do not get mad or pout.

16)  If you sex drives differ greatly, do not let it go for very long before getting help.  Sex once a month or less is considered a sexless marriage.  Never let it come to this.  Marriage by its very nature is a sexual one.  Do not become just roommates or best friends.

17)  Stay away from porn and naughty stuff on the internet.

18)  Pray together.

19)  If you find yourself saying you are sorry a lot then you are doing something wrong.  Only say you’re sorry when absolutely necessary.

20)  You will tend to show love in the way you want to be shown which can be a mistake.  Learn how she wants to be loved.

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