Just Because You Are Paranoid Doesn’t Mean No One is Out to Get You

I would have to say that sometimes being needy and clingy is not without reason.  Some people get married because they found someone who “fits” the requirements but without passion for their spouse.  I think in my case that early on in my relationship my wife and I were on an equal footing with respect to attraction.  However, I could be a jerk often.  Not a jerk out of hubris but out of fear and in retaliation for hurts.  Over time my wife’s heart hardened and we became more like friends with benefits.  She found it hard to like me very much sometimes.  She is a great woman and still did things out of duty despite my problems.  Having a problem with porn did not help either but I used it to some degree as an escape.  One day I woke up and gained vision as to my behavior and its effects on my relationship.  I have dug quite a hole for myself.  Now, not only do I not get the love I want but I have recently made it even harder for her to love my like I want to be loved.  I have, though, learned a lot about myself and learned to make changes.  No more controlling or manipulating.  No more cutting sarcasm or making fun of things about her that I don’t like.  I have set you free my darling I just hope your heart comes back to me soon.

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2 thoughts on “Just Because You Are Paranoid Doesn’t Mean No One is Out to Get You

  1. Jacquie says:

    I’ve been reading some of your posts over the past couple of weeks and only now felt that I had something of value to contribute.

    Actually, from what I’ve read, you and your wife sound very much like my husband and I. The way he responded the way I responded. We’ve acknowledged that we both made alot of mistakes and our marriage was mediocre; similar to what you said, we were more like friends living together with occasional benefits. We liked each other, actually my husband adored me, but his actions sometime made me not like him very much at times. As I’m sure my actions hurt him to the point that he probably questioned why he stayed with me; I know our friends did.

    Over the past year or two we began reading many books, several the same as I’ve seen you mention in your posts, and working on changing ourselves. The byproduct has been the growth in our relationship. We are stonger than we have ever been. We are stronger individuals and partners. We are thankful everyday that we never gave up, but it also took each of us stepping way out of our comfort zones. It took one of us to be strong enough to step up first, a little longer for the other to follow, and now we work together.

    My husband now has my heart, completely. He’d always given me his, but I now I accept all of it and treat it the way I should have all along; I cherish it.

    I look forward to reading more of your posts.

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