I have been on a search to figure out why I have been feeling so needy for a while now and I think I have come as close as I ever have to answering it. The following quote
They get caught in damaging patterns of behaviour (I call them “negative dances”), where the minute one partner feels disconnected or hurt, she attacks her partner by making demands or provoking him to respond. He, in turn, will shut down because all he hears is that he is massively disappointing. They both have needs, but neither knows how to articulate them.
is taken from this website interview. Just switch the gender in the above quote and you would describe my wife and I perfectly. It is from a clinical psychologist named Sue Johnson. She took the theory of attachment and applied its principles to couples. She claims her therapy significantly helps >70% of couples. I have obtained her book, Hold Me Tight, and I am digging into this information to see how it might help me.