Road Map

I have read many books, many blogs, and much therapy.  I would like to consider myself at least knowledgeable on the subject of marriage relationships.  I tend to really pour myself into a topic when the need arises.  I would like someday to be an expert on human behavior especially in the realm of marriage relationships.  I would love to help people have more fulfilling journeys with their mates.  I had an awakening with regards to my marriage that I will talk about someday as I think it might could help some men.  This awakening has led to a very painful couple of years for my wife and I.  From this I realized that I was doing a lot wrong and these mistakes were causing my wife pain and as repercussions myself pain.  I realized that I was:

  • Being controlling
  • Not allowing my wife to be herself
  • Being too sensitive
  • Being sexual at the wrong times
  • Being hurtful through the use of sarcasm
  • Manipulating her via silence, withdrawing, or pouting
  • Treating her like an adversary instead of a partner
  • Looking to her for my happiness or as the cause of my unhappiness
  • Being jealous/Not trusting her
  • Being selfish
  • Pressuring her to do things she does not want to
  • Not supporting her in her career
  • Lying about looking at porn

I am not saying that she is without fault but that is for her to figure out not me.  I can only work on me because that is what I can control.  So I have come up with a road map of things I want to change based on what I have read and learned:

  • Lose weight and get into good physical shape
  • Learn to trust my wife fully.  Do not see men she appreciates as a threat unless true indicators are present
  • Learn to appreciate my wife for who she is and not be threatened by differences
  • Learn to realize that actions taken out of fear are most likely counter productive
  • Support her in any way I can in her job even if means less time for me
  • Stop using porn
  • Be careful that I am not using sarcasm to wound
  • Be less available in terms of communication and presence at home
  • Renew my spiritual walk and focus on God not my wife
  • Nature my outside friendships with other men
  • Spend more time with my kids
  • Start volunteering
  • Continue with my hobby
  • No pressure to have dates or spend time with me
  • Learn to let her say no to sex without me getting mad
  • Learn to appreciate what I do have and not be sad about what I don’t have

I am slowly getting there but some days are not easy.  I never thought I could change but I was wrong.  All things are possible.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s