If You Love Someone…

My wife recently said something to me that I already knew but still needed to hear.  She said that if I would just allow her to be herself I get from her everything that I want. Guilty as charged.  I don’t know exactly what she thinks she would give to me if this was true but that is nott the point.  The point is that I have not allowed her to be herself in our marriage.  I have been controlling.  I have tried to shape her into what I think she should be and what I think I want her to be.  I did not do this out of hubris but out of fear.  I think I have felt that her holding beliefs and liking things that I don’t have threatened me.  I am being honest and it is painful.  How did I control her?  Not by ridiculing at all but indirectly.  Teasing. Scoffing.   I never thought I could change but I am learning to catch myself when I am about to do something that is judgemental on my part such as making fun of her.  I hope she learns to express herself without fear and with open honesty.  I think at that point we will have reached a new level in the relationship.

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