My wife recently said something to me that I already knew but still needed to hear. She said that if I would just allow her to be herself I get from her everything that I want. Guilty as charged. I don’t know exactly what she thinks she would give to me if this was true but that is nott the point. The point is that I have not allowed her to be herself in our marriage. I have been controlling. I have tried to shape her into what I think she should be and what I think I want her to be. I did not do this out of hubris but out of fear. I think I have felt that her holding beliefs and liking things that I don’t have threatened me. I am being honest and it is painful. How did I control her? Not by ridiculing at all but indirectly. Teasing. Scoffing. I never thought I could change but I am learning to catch myself when I am about to do something that is judgemental on my part such as making fun of her. I hope she learns to express herself without fear and with open honesty. I think at that point we will have reached a new level in the relationship.