Feeler versus Non-Feeler

I think one problem that I have had for a very long time is assuming my wife is like me. Duh.  After 20 years you think I would get that but I guess I am dense.  I assumed that she would show the same passion for me that I show her.  How stupid of me.  This has caused me much heartache.  I am the “feeler” and she is not.  I have heard this out there as in that I have a higher “temperature” than her which is a good way of putting it.  I have expected passion where I should not expect it.  My wife is very content and very controlled in her emotions.  I don’t know if she has the emotions but can’t let them out but I suspect that she does not have that level of emotion.  I am sentimental.  I have a very good memory and this is a blessing and a curse.  I guess we have reverse roles of the stereotypical man/woman couples.  I think this is more common than conventional wisdom would have us believe.  It is because of this I have found my self-esteem eroding.  I don’t blame her at all I have just looked for positive feedback in places where I should never had looked for it in the first place.  As such, I have let me self think that I am doing something wrong or she doesn’t have it for me.  This is not to say there is not some truth there because I have been doing a lot of things wrong for a long time.  I just have to learn that she shows her love in small, subtle ways not in over the top gestures.


2 thoughts on “Feeler versus Non-Feeler

  1. I like your honesty, you have alot of self-reflection, you want to try and change for the sake of your marriage and the happiness of your wife. Its sweet, but should she not do the same, even it is small gestures in the ways of affection? Just curious… Where is the positive feedback?

    • needyhusband says:

      I am very lucky in the fact that my wife is a nice person. I think she is doing everything she can as she is has a “pleaser” personality. I just have to come to terms with the fact that things will never be exactly like I want them to be. I have to stop with the “I wish things were like …”.

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