Sex Starved

One of the biggest issues with a needy husband is sex.  A lot of them are starved for sex.  A sexless marriage is defined as having sex once a month or less.  There are many factors which may cause a lack of desire in your wife which include drugs such as SSRIs, hormone imbalances, physical conditions, etc but I won’t be discussing those as those are mostly beyond your control.  I consider two possibilities for the needy husband — 1) The wife has lost her desire due to your neediness or 2) she never had much desire for you even in the beginning.  The first is not hopeless but the second, well, you know.

Athol Kay’s book Married Man Sex Life provides an approach that I agree with.  It offers a solution called the Man Action Plan (MAP).  It is about self improvement and raising your SMV – Sexual Market Value.  It is a long process measured on the year but it is worth it.  It covers the ways you can raise your value in the eyes of all women and thus increase your wifes attraction to you.  It also covers what to do if in the end your efforts yield no fruit.

I do not recommend anyone consider divorce lightly at all especially with kids involved except in cases of abuse and addiction.  However, I think regular sex is very important to a marriage and part of the marriage contract.  The apostle Paul speaks to this being the reason to get married in the first place.  So in the end after you have given your best efforts and have maximized your physical appearance and are no longer approaching your wife as a needy husband and you still have no sexual relationship you have a tough decision to make.  You have to decide if you are giving up your dream of having a sexual relationship with your wife or you are moving on.

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One thought on “Sex Starved

  1. HeligKo says:

    The unstated part of this is that if you don’t use the divorce lever when she is failing to do the most important thing in marriage to show her husband that she loves him, then she will use it, and probably after a course of random cheating or a long term affair. Run the MAP, and be willing to drop the ax. I wasn’t willing to for the kids, and guess what she did. I read stories of men who stayed to preserve the family for the kids, and the wives just become angry and ask for the divorce. Perhaps they were just pushing to get him to ask for the divorce in the first place. I don’t know. As a Christian it is hard to say this, but men need to be willing to use the divorce lever to ensure that their marriage is a blessing and not a curse. Islamic men do this, and they hate divorce as much as Christians.

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